Twenty Something

Past few days (may be months) I’m feeling bit different. My mind is racing in two contrasting states. I’m having difficulty with myself. One friend of mine mentioned one quote i.e. “The most difficult phase of life is not when no one understands you, it is when you do not understand yourself”. In my case neither I nor anybody else can understand my mind.

I feel that people are selfish and especially those who I thought were my best friends have turned their backs. I hate to go along with the crowd. I hate to be seen as the just another face in the crowd. I hate those who dominate my life. I hate those who lie to me. I hate those who betray me. But the problem is that I find these kind of folks on every corner of street. They are looking at me like tiger concentrating at his princely prey.

I laugh and cry with the pure sheer. I feel alone, scared and perplexed sometimes. Suddenly, change becomes the new enemy and I try to hold the hand of past but I soon realize that past is past and I have no other options than catching the present and moving forward. One moment I feel extremely secure whereas very next moment I’m insecure.

I love being loved and I would like to love someone whole heartedly. But suddenly I find myself crushed and heart broken. Thats why I love that pretty girl with marble eyes who is always in my thoughts. Every time I wonder lying in my bed whether will I be meeting anyone decent enough that I want to get to know her better. Or maybe I should keep on loving the same marble eyed girl just with slim ray of hope that one day I will meet her.

Many times I feel like a total jerk. Everyday I ask the same questions over and again. I linger upon the same topics. I haven’t made many important decisions since I don’t know whether I’m right or wrong. One moment I feel that how great it would be to emerge as a victorious captain in the routine rat race but very next moment I find my legs trembling just because of the idea of being contender.

I don’t know whether these are the best of the times or worst of the times of my life. I don’t know whether I will be able to sort the whole thing out. I don’t know how many other guys in the same age group as of mine might be having the same feelings. Someone told me that this whole mess has a name i.e. Quarter Life Crisis. Is it really quarter life crisis or am I attaining the maturity? But one thing is sure, this peregrination from adolescence to adulthood is quite painful.


8 Responses to “Twenty Something”

  1. July 22, 2007 at 6:06 pm

    Good inner expressions!!
    Its really Important phase of life! Its phase to fight and come out of comforts.
    Though it it sounds abnormal to others but its decide path of our soul!
    As Steve Jobs says
    Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

  2. 2 LOST
    July 25, 2007 at 1:12 pm

    this is probably what we call…Adoloscence??
    dunno really…bt somehow..somewhere…..i feel the same..

  3. July 25, 2007 at 5:26 pm

    Thanks mate!!

    may be…but thanks for visiting!! 🙂

  4. 4 LOST
    July 26, 2007 at 12:56 pm

    Hey..u don’t need to thank me…
    your blog is certainly worth visiting…!!

  5. July 28, 2007 at 12:05 pm


  6. July 30, 2007 at 2:08 pm

    I had commented on this! Where did the comment disappear?

    *Looks around*

  7. 7 shamrin
    August 13, 2007 at 5:16 pm

    It’s been a long time since I was 20-something so maybe this is just a phase, but I can tell you that for a thinking person it can be a phase that lasts a lifetime. I don’t know if this resonates at all but reading your entry I got an image of a cork, bobbing in the sea adrift and subject to the whim of the currents. When that happens to me it usually means I’ve lost sight of my purpose, my direction, my core meaning and I need to get my focus and values back on track.

  8. September 25, 2007 at 7:04 am

    All I can tell you is…it isn’t as terrible as it seems at the moment. Just remember to breathe. That’s it. There’s nothing more practical or sure-fire than that.

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My Unkymood Punkymood (Unkymoods)
July 2007
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