Past few days (may be months) I’m feeling bit different. My mind is racing in two contrasting states. I’m having difficulty with myself. One friend of mine mentioned one quote i.e. “The most difficult phase of life is not when no one understands you, it is when you do not understand yourself”. In my case neither I nor anybody else can understand my mind.
I feel that people are selfish and especially those who I thought were my best friends have turned their backs. I hate to go along with the crowd. I hate to be seen as the just another face in the crowd. I hate those who dominate my life. I hate those who lie to me. I hate those who betray me. But the problem is that I find these kind of folks on every corner of street. They are looking at me like tiger concentrating at his princely prey.
I laugh and cry with the pure sheer. I feel alone, scared and perplexed sometimes. Suddenly, change becomes the new enemy and I try to hold the hand of past but I soon realize that past is past and I have no other options than catching the present and moving forward. One moment I feel extremely secure whereas very next moment I’m insecure.
I love being loved and I would like to love someone whole heartedly. But suddenly I find myself crushed and heart broken. Thats why I love that pretty girl with marble eyes who is always in my thoughts. Every time I wonder lying in my bed whether will I be meeting anyone decent enough that I want to get to know her better. Or maybe I should keep on loving the same marble eyed girl just with slim ray of hope that one day I will meet her.
Many times I feel like a total jerk. Everyday I ask the same questions over and again. I linger upon the same topics. I haven’t made many important decisions since I don’t know whether I’m right or wrong. One moment I feel that how great it would be to emerge as a victorious captain in the routine rat race but very next moment I find my legs trembling just because of the idea of being contender.
I don’t know whether these are the best of the times or worst of the times of my life. I don’t know whether I will be able to sort the whole thing out. I don’t know how many other guys in the same age group as of mine might be having the same feelings. Someone told me that this whole mess has a name i.e. Quarter Life Crisis. Is it really quarter life crisis or am I attaining the maturity? But one thing is sure, this peregrination from adolescence to adulthood is quite painful.
